Welcome to Akatsuki!
by IvoryWhiskers
Summary: For the subordinates, to become an official Akatsuki member was their dream, the ultimate promotion, so when Sasori died, one lucky subordinate was introduced to the true insanity of the group [[Tobi being welcomed into Akatsuki as a member]]


**Welcome to Akatsuki!**

"GO DEIDARA!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Deidara grumbled under his breath, tossing his game controller aside and hauling himself off the couch.

5 minutes later, clad in his cloud-print cloak, Deidara stomped into Akatsuki's main chamber, carrying a scroll and another of the organizations trademark cloaks.

Clearing his throat and clapping his hands to get the attention of the gathered subordinates, Deidara clambered up onto the podium directly situated in front of the 'Forbidden Door'.

The 'forbidden door' was the door that led up to Akatsuki's living quarters, a place strictly out of bounds to the subordinates. For the subordinates, to become an official Akatsuki member was their dream, the ultimate promotion.

Each had their theories about what happened behind that door, ranging from ritualistic training and medical experimentation, and, just as it happened, a member had recently died which did of course mean, the remaining Akatsuki members were looking for a new member to take the formers place.

The group before Deidara hushed, looking expectantly up at him with pathetically hopeful eyes.

Deidara scowled down at them. "Right," he started grumpily, glancing at the scroll in his hands, "Everybody else was supposed to be here but between scouting out the other Jincuuriki's and the Mario Kart's tournament they couldn't really be bothered." He sighed, leaning heavily on the podium, "Now, the untimely death of my partner Sasori, who got his ass kicked by a spoilt teenage bitch and his old hag of a grandmother, means we're in need of a new member to take Sasori's place as my partner. Now, after much careful thinking on the matter-" Deidara paused, sighing again, a slight smirk twitching at the corners of his mouth.

_(Flashback)_

"_Anyone want to nominate a subordinate to replace Sasori, un?"_

_Silence._

"_Anybody, un?" _

"_Jashin made it clear that it would be a sin not to kill mine." Hiden voiced matter-of-factly._

"_Enough with that religious shit. 'My imaginary God said so' is hardly an excuse for killing them." Kakuzu snapped, looking up from where he was attempting to stealthily pull Kisame's wallet from his cloak pocket._

_Hiden grunted. "You can talk," _

_Kakuzu waved his partner's words aside, "They were irritating assholes, and they deserved to die. Rather like you."_

_Deidara interrupted, knowing their conversation could only end in bloodshed, "Anybody here who's NOT killed their subordinates, un?"_

"_We have some left." Zetsu spoke up, "Yes, but not many." Hissed a deeper voice._

_Deidara twitched. He had learned to look past Zetsu talking as if he were two people in one (which he quite possibly were) but it still annoyed him to no end. "Leader-sama gave you two dozen, what the hell-"_

"_We got hungry." _

_Deidara rolled his eyes. He should have known. "Right, well, anyone else, un?" he asked, looking purposefully at Kisame and Itachi. _

_Itachi yawned, "Hiden killed a few, Zetsu ate a couple, I lost half a dozen or in the desert, five or six are in coma's and-" he paused, thinking and counting off on his fingers, "That just leaves to one who tried to eat my poptart." He finished, taking a large bite of the poptart currently in his hand. _

_Deidara smacked a hand to his forehead. He needn't ask what had happened to anyone stupid enough to steal Itachi's poptarts._

"_Right then, Kisame, un?"_

_Kisame blinked, "I have subordinates?"_

"_Jashin suggested I take charge of Kisame's subordinates..." Hiden called. "...And also that I kill them."_

_Deidara was busy resisting the urge to bang his head against the wall when Itachi passed him a hat with a dozen or so bits of paper in it. _

"_Look, just go with plan A and pick a name out."_

_(End Flashback) _

Shaking his head with yet another sigh Deidara continued, "After carefully thinking the matter over, we decided that Tobi is to become the new member. Tobi," he glanced around, not even sure who Tobi was. All he knew is that he was one of the few who survived Zetsu, who had said that Tobi was a 'Good boy'. In fact he talked about Tobi as if he viewed the boy as his pet.

The moment he had stopped speaking the subordinates had broken into disappointed chatter, the only exception being the mask clad, raven haired young boy who bounded forwards. He skidded to a halt in front of the blonde, and Deidara could tell that he was grinning manically behind his mask. In fact, manically optimistic insanity practically radiated off this kid.

Deidara looked him up and down before turning to briefly address the assembled subordinated once more, "Right, Tobi, congratulations blah, blah, blah, well done on not becoming Zetsu's lunch, the rest of you, clearly not good enough."

Turning away he made his way over to the Forbidden Door, beckoning Tobi to follow.

Trying to pretend that Tobi had NOT just squealed in excitement at the prospect of going through THE Forbidden Door, Deidara pushed said door open and snapped his fingers at the hesitating Tobi, "hither boy," he growled.

The boy came.

Making a mental note to teach the kid other commands such as 'go fetch dinner' and 'Sit and gimme your money', Deidara stopped him just inside the door, pushing it shut behind Tobi.

"Few rules first off," he started, handing his new pet a cloak, "You wear this WHENEVER you leave these quarters. But it's hardly compulsory once you're in here. Unless The Leader is present. He likes us to wear them but he's not here most of the time. Also you only address him as The Leader." Deidara stopped and rummaged around in his pocket, beginning to make his way down the stairs before them, "Here," he handed Tobi Sasori's old ring, "Wear it on your left thumb, and never take it off. And finally," he gave the boy a small bottle just as they reached the bottom of the stairs, arriving in a large, bare but brightly coloured room, decorated in oranges and lime greens, with 20 or so doors leading off."

After scanning the room briefly Tobi returned his attention to the bottle in his hands. "This is nail-polish." He stated blankly.

"Aren't we the clever one?" Deidara rolled his eyes "Toes and fingers. All times. You didn't honestly think we wear the stuff because it looks pretty? It…although actually…" Deidara trailed off; examining his nails, "It _does _compliment the cloaks…though not so much my skin tone…it looks good on Itachi, that I do know. But terrible on Kisame, but it's not like he has any concept of fashion what-so-ever so it hardly matters." he stopped, shaking his head distractedly, "Anyway. Just put some on first chance you get, okay?"

Tobi nodded and Deidara continued his briefing, "Right, the doors have names on them so even idiots can find their way around. Your bedroom is the blank door and you are permitted to decorate said door however you please but make sure to put your name on it. Don't go scouting in other peoples bedrooms. Some of these guys you'll not meet for a while, and that one there," he pointed at a door decorated with painted daisy's, "No idea who she is. Rarely ventures out, very pissy when she does, the only female and she refuses to divulge her name so we just call her Nanashi. And now, to meet the rest of the team."

A devilish grin took over the blonde's face as he led Tobi over to and through the door labelled 'Lounge'.

In said lounge, the 'Mario Karts Tournament' it seemed had gotten a little out of hand. Kisame's Samehada was sticking out of the sparking, shattered flatscreen, whilst Kisame himself lay twitching on the floor, apparently having been subjected to Itachi's infamous Mangekyo Sharingan. Itachi seemed indifferent to his twitching partner and was sat placidly on the couch eating a poptart. Hiden's limbs were scattered about the room, his head perched on the coffee table, screeching furiously at Kakuzu who was – as per usual – responsible. And Zetsu sat beside Itachi, was knawing lazily at one of Hiden's served arms.

Deidara smirked. "Welcome to Akatsuki!"


End file.
